Gardens
Spring returns, flowers bloom, and the Lord continues to tend our hearts.
We did it. We made it through all the major first holidays and milestones. We’ve even brought new life into the world since Aurelia transitioned into heaven—and yet, we feel this is only the beginning.
The new normal of our lives is just now settling in. I spend less mornings wishing life was just a nightmare that I could wake up from, but more often I will open my eyes wondering what the wave of grief will look like for that particular day.
Spring has returned again, and as I tend my garden, the Lord continues to tend my heart.
About a year ago, while almost twenty weeks pregnant, I got on my hands and knees, and began to pull the weeds of our front garden beds. I planted all the outdoor flowers we’d been given at Aurelia’s funeral before they could fade without a chance of return.
My back hurt, and my hips ached, but my heart began to feel the the weight of grief lifted through the gift of work. During this time, I was reminded of Hosea 10:12.
Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.
The verse, Isaiah 40:8, I’d painted on the back of Aurelia’s bible only months before pressed into my soul.
The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the Word of the Lord remains forever.
In the thick fog of shock and the weight of grief keeping me on my knees, these words covered me in peace. I needed two basic things—the Lord to garden my heart and remind me of His good and true words.
One year ago, I didn’t know much, but I did know God would not waste our grief. I knew he would not leave us broken. I knew our empty hands and heart would not be left with nothing. I knew the Lord would take our ashes and bestow on us crowns, give us joy, and take our spirits of despair and return to us garments of praise (Isaiah 61).
The spring turned into summer and my flowers faded. Summer turned to fall, and fall to winter. Meanwhile, the roots had grown deep.
One year later, I am seeing my front gardens return. Flowers I was given over a year ago are pressing through the dirt. Now, they give me a new reminder from Isaiah 43:19.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
These words give me this visual of flowers beginning to bud, grow, and press through and making way in the dirt above searching for the warmth of the sun.
We as people go through winters too. We’ve been under the dirt, pressed down by the shock and grief, but as we call out to the Lord, as we ask him to plant good seeds, to plow up the ground of our hearts, and seek him, we too begin to rise, break through the ground, and find ourselves under His warm gaze.
Our hearts are like a garden the Lord tends our whole life. Through all our long-suffering, He is always restoring and redeeming.
Isaiah 58:11, “The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”
